There are times in life when you may feel like you need your people, your tribe, or your friends to be there for you. Yet, despite our deepest desires, there are times when those we rely on cannot be there for us in the way we need them to be.
It’s a painful reality, one that cuts deep and may leave us feeling abandoned and alone. However, upon closer examination, we begin to understand that the inability of others to offer support is not always a reflection of their love or commitment to us. “Unavailable” when we need others does not always mean people just do not want to be there for us. Do our expectations towards others consider when they are dealing with their own trauma, responsibilities, and limitations that prevent them from being the pillars of strength when WE NEED THEM?
Sometimes people are present, but absent in thought, because they are elsewhere in their own world. It is not always neglect. It is not always unreliability, and it certainly isn’t always ill will. Sometimes people are not available because they cannot be. Often, they wish they could, but just do not know how to be. One thing I’ve learned is to check my own emotions and expectations. It takes work to check my feelings and be considerate of others enough to understand what they are facing, even when they wonder; What if this triggers her, and makes her more upset? Is this what she really wants? Is she tired of visitors right now? Is this what she needs? Sometimes, people are flat out navigating through their own pain, or over-spent being pulled in many directions at the same time.
In moments of hardship and adversity, it takes a great deal of strength to extend grace and understanding to those who cannot be there for us. It requires us to set aside our pain and disappointment, recognizing that the inability of others to offer support is not a reflection of our worth or value. It is a humbling reminder of our shared humanity—the ways in which we are all flawed and fallible, yet still deserving of love and compassion.
So, as we navigate the tough spots in life, let us remember to extend grace to those we love and cherish. It may be easy to be mad, angry or upset. However, let’s try to remember, the ones we need and expect to be there for us, just may not be able to be present in a meaningful way. They may need some love and grace, too.
Praying for you,
Auntie Joyce
