I have two boys. Before one of them (my eldest, Cameron Dior) passed away, I did not really feel a sense of conflict in parenting them. My boys were seven years apart, but they got along like typical brothers who love each other. As a mom, I never felt one took so much more attention than the other.
Losing Cameron introduced me to something many parents—and loved ones, especially caretakers—deal with when one child is in crisis or requires special care. In the throes of daily life, it’s easy for a parent to become consumed by the needs of one child, inadvertently neglecting the needs of another. This happens with special needs children, children who may have long-term medical care, children who may have substance use challenges, or may have mental conditions. It may happen when there are different parents involved and there are areas when one parent has to compensate for an absent parent.
It wasn’t until our family lost Cameron that I had to encounter this sort-of dynamic. My grief and fight not to lose myself, took me away from my son, DeMaris, as he had known his mother to be. All of a sudden, I found myself juggling while struggling. I was juggling the loss of Cam and that took time and attention away from DeMaris. My son needed me, and from the moment of Cameron’s loss of life, I felt this more than ever. But I, Jocelyn, was diminishing in grief and sorrow. Everything was Cameron, Cameron, Cameron…How can a mother not be in despair?
DeMaris was a strong pull to help me not to drown, and to make sure that even though he lost his brother, he was not going to lose his mother, too. In many ways, my son DeMaris has been everything that I needed a son to be. His love and care for his mom, and that’d be me, speaks volumes to this day. I can’t help but think about how parents carry the burden of juggling their devotion, time, care, affection and themselves when one child stands out and demands so much more than the others. My eyes have been open to this and I pray for loved ones and caretakers to do their best in love.
Love,
Auntie Joyce
